Stillness is the Key by Ryan Holiday, how it saved my life, and why you might need it too.

In October 2023, I felt the rug pulled out from under me. I’d been practically demoted at work, my girlfriend left me, my dog unexpectedly passed away, my parents were beginning the process of separating, and I lost any place I could call home. Just like that, any sense of comfort and stability I might have — gone.

In an effort to get away from being alone with my thoughts and emotions in a poorly lit bedroom full of boxes containing my stuff – undecided on whether I was moving back into my mother’s house or moving out again – I found myself sitting by the beach, flipping through a borrowed book that looked like it’s been put through the wringer; an unassuming, tattered, black paperback, with stained pages filled with little notes written by a dear friend. I’ve never been very fond of the beach nor —on a normal day— can I sit reading for hours. But on that day, the setting felt right. There was nothing more important that I could have been doing.

Over the course of my life and career I’ve been described as angsty, volatile, turbulent, over-sensitive. Throw in a case of clinical depression and daily bouts with anxiety, then you have the recipe for an erratic individual; hardly the type you’d want to keep in your company.

Until, thanks to that worn-out black book called Stillness is the Key by Ryan Holiday, I’d began to adopt Stoicism – the philosophy of thinking clearly and in the present, detached from emotions that could often lead to a sort of myopia. What began as a personal journey has seeped into my professional life. Today, I find myself a Creative Director working daily with teams of extremely talented people. I’m enjoying as close to a work-life balance as I’ve ever had, I’m the healthiest I’ve ever mentally been, and most importantly, I’m still here. Trying to give my best and do what I can, and knowing that’s enough.

Advertising professionals understand how toxic our industry can be, and the same goes for other fields of work too. When you work so hard and sacrifice so much only to have so little left, it takes a huge toll on your mental health. And I know we’re all just trying to make it to the next week, so here’s how I’ve applied some Stoic concepts so I can stay sane and breathing:

Quit worrying about others. The time we spend thinking about who’s pitching against us, what ideas and strategies they’re coming up with, or if we’re even going to have anything as good as theirs could be time spent focusing on our own work. So I’ve learned to not mind the competition, focus on what’s in front of me and trust in my own skills. Great work will always speak for itself.

Accept that it is what it is. Things happen. Client budgets get cut, your bosses will not always be on the same page, your ideas won’t always amaze everyone (and for no good intelligible reason in some cases) – all valid instances to categorize as problems. Exhausting all possible solutions is part of the task, but the moment you realize that something is no longer in your power to change is the moment it stops becoming your burden. Pick your battles. It is what it is. Accept the situation, work within it, move on, and get back to work with less stress.

React with reason, not emotion. Ever heard of post-coital clarity? Same thing for the mind. We all find ourselves in frustrating situations every now and then whether it’s tight timelines or unnecessary revisions; and in the heat of the moment, our heightened emotions can lead to damaged relationships or poor output.

Step away from the moment, keep your emotions in check, and take a breath. Like Ed Bennett once said, “Stoicism can help create balance between the passionate side of creativity and the rational side of business.” The best decisions are made with a clear head and a calm heart.

The point is: know when to shift your focus, and towards what. I myself am finally beginning to accept that some things are simply beyond my control and learning to focus my thoughts and energy into those that are.

Living in the present, thinking and worrying only about the present.

Stillness is the Key didn’t just turn my life around, it saved it. Now, any Ryan Holiday book I consider essential reading.

I’m eternally grateful to the person that introduced me to this life-changing book, who I’m fortunate enough to call a coach, a friend, and a brother. And just as he had done for me, I lent it to someone I knew who needed it. I guess you could consider this story my way of lending it to anyone else who could use it just as well.

Nate “Knight” de Guzman is a Creative Director and Copywriter at IXM. He has won the awards for his advertising work. He practices submission grappling in his free time, and has written a handful of children’s books that will hopefully someday see the light of day.