My friend Candy had a situationship at work. It was fun, flirty behind closed doors, and sometimes the only motivation she had to clock in. 

He was all she ever talked about for a while, clown emojis and all, but he never had the guts to actually ask her out.

Guess they were just “seeing where it goes.”

Gen Z loves to use that phrase because we’re afraid of commitment. And just to make sure we don’t reach the “boyfriend-girlfriend” level, we invent random terms like situationship, talking stage, and roster for good measure. 

I gathered the insights of some frustrated Gen Z friends, and here’s why they think our generation has commitment issues.

Whatever happened to just “calling it like it is”? 

Well, commitment is a lot more complicated now. It means closing yourself off to other options, and we live in a world where we can swipe through so many options. 

Just like the generations before them, Gen Z were sold the promise that they could “have it all” if they worked hard enough. And now, with many things just one click and scroll away, of course you’d want it all—financial stability, work-life balance, and the perfect partner. 

But the general state of  the world, plus our ambition, means that Gen Z is busy and stressed. We don’t want more stress from a person who will tie us down as early as now. 

It’s like Chappell Roan said; you might be knee-deep in the passenger seat, but it’s just casual now. 

Dating for digital natives

Notice how we went from using simple terms like “syota” in the 90s and 2000s to the  countless new ones just to avoid putting a label on it? Not to sound like a boomer, but this has everything to do with the internet. 

We live in an era of hyperconnectivity, so much so that we depend on online spaces for forging and maintaining relationships. Of course, this shapes the first digitally native generation in many ways. 

For one, social media and dating apps have opened up access to so many people that we might not have crossed paths with otherwise. Why would we want to settle down when we have endless options around us? 

Our talking stage stops replying to us for an afternoon and we can always go back on Bumble to swipe for someone cuter, richer, more Instagram story-worthy. And so it becomes harder to actually make a decision and commit to somebody. 

Now, lifestyle content also gives us the illusion of the “perfect” relationship. It compels us to curate a picture-perfect image of our lives, and Gen Z is no stranger to succumbing to that pressure.

Somewhere amidst the hard launches and documenting our every move through seemingly unfiltered photo dumps, there lies a hidden pressure for us to “get it right,” right away. 

It’s no wonder that Gen Zs see relationships as an inevitable pipeline to marriage—a scary binding contract that should last forever. When it comes to dating, there’s no point in trying if you’re not 100% sure they’re “the One.” 

Overall, hyperconnectivity through the internet acts as a kind of magnifying glass for everything we do, making our commitments seem bigger than they are. 

So are we really just Chill Guys? Seems like we’re actually so self-conscious that sometimes we’re afraid to try, fail, and risk being human. 

The bigger picture

If you throw in the direction the world is going, dating becomes even more complicated.

Gen Z might not have generational wealth, but chances are, we do have generational trauma. We’re very self-aware, so we want to heal before getting into anything serious.  

Gen Z is also preoccupied with real-world problems. Climate change and sexual healthcare—just to name a few—very much affect how we see our long-term future. If we do end up with a partner, they need to match our values to make our future a lot easier to live in. 

Plus, in 2024, people are gradually discovering more alternatives to traditional dating—polyamory, open relationships, and even not dating at all. 

There are so many things that people could be looking for. Sometimes, the hard pill to swallow is that the person you want might just not be looking for the same thing as you. 

It’s not you, it’s them

(And the countless things running through their mind at all times.) 

Whether they’re busy, exploring, or healing from their past, we just can’t force anyone to commit. They might keep you around for fun, though. “Backburner” by NIKI is waving!

So I understand the frustration of lover girls, lover boys, and all the lover people out there, but maybe the defining traits that make commitment so hard for Gen Z also reflect what’s important to us. 

Maybe for Gen Z, dating chaotically yet talking about the same guy over and over is part of the process.

We might be idealistic about what we’re looking for, but we know we shouldn’t settle for less than we deserve. 

We hate labels, but we’re always open to discovering more about ourselves.  

And we’re figuring things out, so that when the time comes, we can commit—more fully and meaningfully—to what we truly want.

But don’t close this article thinking your commitment issues are justified. Go reply to the talking stage you’ve left on delivered since yesterday.