PASIG— A bold new chapter in caffeinated productivity is set to begin an area agency, after founder and chairman Domingo Clemencio—midway through a Tuesday Do’s Day townhall—casually approved what’s now being hailed as the agency’s most significant labor benefit since break-up leave, date-your-parent allowances, and air-conditioning: The Coffee Benefit.

The initiative, sparked by an offhand question during the Q&A, was immediately greenlit by Clemencio, who paused, nodded once, and directed HR to “make it real.”

Sources confirm that options are now being explored for a daily coffee allowance for employees working onsite, along with improved pantry selections—marking the possible end of the sachet-era.

For months, caffeine-dependent staff have been quietly hoarding instant sticks from the Sari-Sari Store along Riverside Drive, or safeguarding personal jars of Nescafe Gold inside steel office cabinets. Others have turned to FART—the agency’s underground Food And Replenishment Taskforce—which operates a ₱50-per-cup shadow coffee bar out of a dimly lit editing room.

“It’s not just about productivity,” said one HR rep, mid-scroll through coffee subscription services. “It’s about morale, ritual, and having something warm to hold before being told to start over. Again.”

The Finance Manager of the Company, Ms. Jaws Capitollo, has chimed in saying, “Productivity is up; we have done a cost benefit analysis and the amount we save on ChatGPT and “walking time lost” is enough to make me wanna buy a Nespresso Machine. There are laptops that need programme updates and repairs but no, free coffee is probably more urgent”

“It’s not naman Cafe Alamid.” Defends one supporter of the new policy, sounding suspiciously like one of The Bosses. “It’s just a good strong cup of productivity.”

Though the final mechanism remains under discussion, morale is high. “This is happening,” said one copywriter. “They’ve already started looking at drip kits. You don’t do that unless it’s real.”

A study published on the internet has said that Coffee makes Creatives more creative and Accounts executives more accountable. No word yet on if “oat milk” and “almond milk” will also be made available–but the lactose intolerant of the bunch are on the edge of their seats.

At press time, Clemencio was overheard murmuring, “Sleep is a construct,” while stirring a cup of 3-in-1, soon to be obsolete.